my name is Charles Kennedy

and I am...

In a personal statement at Lib Dem HQ in Westminster, Mr Kennedy said: "Over the past 18 months I've been coming to terms with and seeking to cope with a drink problem, and I've come to learn through that process that a drink problem is a serious problem indeed.

"It's serious for yourself and it's serious for those around you. I've sought professional help and I believe today that this issue is essentially resolved."

In the great tradition of Asquith.

"You would have been amused at the prime minister last night. He did himself fairly well - not more than most gentlemen used to drink when I was a boy, but in this abstemious age it is noticeable if an extra glass or two is taken by anyone! The PM seemed to like our old brandy. He had a couple of glasses (big sherry glass size!) before I left the table at 9.30, and apparently he had several more before I saw him again. By that time his legs were un steady, but his head was quite clear, and he was able to read a map and discuss the situation with me. Indeed he was most charming and quite alert in mind."

Personally, I could hack a drunk as Prime Minister. Let the mellow fumes of single malt billow forth from Number 10 and cover the land in an amber glow. It would make diplomacy interesting as well. “George…George…yer fuck…yer fuck…yer me best fuckin mate, y’bastard…”

On the other hand, the thought of someone indoctrinated by Alcoholics Anonymous as PM gives me the creeps. Christ on a bike, it’ll be action stations for the therapy crowd over the next few days. They’ll be storming the TV stations, waving their ten step utopias and detox demarches, each with something to sell…