make me a lord of blood

I must say that I approve heartily of this:

Killers could face extended jail terms if the families of their victims are allowed to make direct appeals to judges before they pass sentence, the Government said yesterday.

Harriet Harman, the Constitutional Affairs minister, said judges might be influenced under plans to allow bereaved families to talk in open court about the effect of a loved one's death. Under the proposals, published yesterday, families of murder and manslaughter victims will be able to address judges directly about their grief before sentences are handed down.

The thing is, you see, that on my untimely death, hordes of stricken, beautiful women would immediately descend on the judge, weeping and howling and rending their garments. My killer would be lucky to escape being skinned alive.

And if the ugly and unpopular receive unequal justice, well what of it? I can’t help being handsome, witty and stunningly attractive and I see no reason why the criminal justice system should not take the fact that my life is therefore worth more into account.

To my mind it’s questionable whether those who kill the ugly and unpopular should be punished at all. Are they not performing a service to the community? What does Harriet think? What does the community think?

Let’s be really radical about this and integrate community standards fully into the punishment of crime. Let’s legalise the blood feud. There are plenty of historical precedents. I give you the Law of Lek:

…Twenty-four pounds also to the xoti i ghakut (lord of blood=that one of the deceased's family who has the right to demand blood, or its equivalent). Should he accept it the feud ceases. But he usually prefers to shoot the offender himself, and the blood feud thus started is not compounded till several on either side have been killed.

To compound it the guilty party must send emissaries to the xoti i ghakut. If he be willing to compound, a council is called. It is usual, when the blood-gelt is accepted, for the two chief parties to swear brotherhood. If the feud is with a member of another tribe, and the parties are not consanguineous, it is usual also to give a daughter in marriage to some member of the offended family, and thus establish peace.

Sound, that. Very sound. Why should the bereaved have to confine themselves to snivelling in front of a judge, when they could instead become truly active citizens – lords of blood, in fact. Come on Harriet, arm the people!

Comments

[Phil Hunt]

To my mind it’s questionable whether those who kill the ugly and unpopular should be punished at all. Are they not performing a service to the community? What does Harriet think? What does the community think?

Obviously we need a telephone poll (advertised in the Sun, premium rate number of course) to find out.

[dsquared]

Tsk Jamie you bleeding heart liberal. I favour the only sensible penal code ever devised; the Corsican vendetta. On my untimely death, the entire membership of Crooked Timber will take to the maquis as bandits d'honneur until the family of my assailant are wiped out. Or face the constant mockery of the women.

[jamie]

Yes, but there have to be some limits. My women are better off married into the families of people I have offended in some way, rather than walking about cursing and generally putting on a performance.

[dsquared]

are you sure you don't have some Welsh blood in you?