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November 17, 2005


Chris Brooke

I was told that I was a "handholder", that I thought Rushdie went too far, and that I should like Zadie Smith, or somesuch, which seemed like just so much bollocks to me, so I haven't reported the result. White Teeth was shite, The Satanic Verses absolutely marvellous.


I too am a haymaker, supposedly, which isn't at all how I see myself. Perhaps I shouldn't have done the quiz at 00:30, at the back end of somewhere around eleven units of alcohol.


What kind of humanist regulates his or her alcohohol intake in "units"? Tsk...

Chris Brooke

I'm very happy to regulate my alcohol intake in units, provided that the generally-recognised exceptions are made, to wit:

1. Drinking at lunchtime doesn't count.
2. White drinks don't count.
3. Guinness doesn't count (it's good for you).
4. Marsala doesn't count (it's not booze, it's pudding-substitute)
5. Doubles poured at home count as singles.

I've had the suggestion that Guinness is in fact so good for you that it should count in negative units. But I'm not sure I agree with this rule.

With rules like these, in fact, I'm confident I can get my drinking down into Government-approved-almost territory.


May I add:

6) No beer of any kind counts on the grounds that it's basically vegetable soup, which is good for you.


Bah. I like units. I mean, given that I can drink three pints of Hyde's without feeling ill (either then or in the morning), whereas if I have the fourth I'm likely to feel a bit rough (at the time and in the morning), how could I tell what would be a prudent amount to drink on top of two large glasses of white wine unless I had the prior information that a pint of 4% a.b.v. is approximately two and a quarter units and Hyde's is 3.8%, making a pint clock in at 19/20 * 9/4 = 171/80 = aah, call it two? The fact that what I actually drank (on top of the aforesaid large freebies) was two pints of Hyde's, a black & tan and a bottle of Holsten Piss (at least, I think that's what it said) merely explains why I had difficulty focusing on the humanist quiz last night and decided to work from home this morning.

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