my lovely bats

From last year. I missed this at the time, but:

"The panda is possibly one of the grossest wastes of conservation money in the last half century. The panda is, unfortunately, virtually unsavable. It lives in the most overpopulated country in the world, it feeds on plants when it ought to be eating partially meat, it transfers all sorts of nasty diseases among itself, it tastes nice and it's got a coat that looks good on someone's back.

And they just won’t shag, whatever you do.

This isn’t some Clarkson type yucking it up. The quotee is the President of the Bat Conservation Trust. It’s a kind of class – well, taxonomic – rebellion against the tyranny of charismatic megafauna. These pandas are getting millions spent on building them tart’s boudiours while the bats – my lovely bats – die unwanted and unloved, squeaking their last in the dustbin of universal neglect. He’s not a fan of whales either:

"That's why we are so obsessed with whales, because people always have this rather peculiar affinity with the big blubbery things.”

Ah, that explains Boris Johnson’s popularity.

Comments

[JamesP]

The reason that WWF adopted the panda in the first place was, so I hear, that it could be photocopied in black-and-white easily - and the penguin was already taken.

[Jasper Milvain]

It is a TV personality type, though; I think that's the Chris Packham who used to present The Really Wild Show on Children's BBC.

[Martin Wisse]

What a stupid, shortsighted way of looking at things. By protecting the panda you protect the whole ecosystem that panda belongs to. And human nature being what it is, people do shell out more money for these cute bundles of fur than they do for some much more deserving but ugly animal.

[godoggo]

When I lived in Taiwan I lived for a while in this little house that had a bat flapping all over the place, and in the daytime I'd pluck him off the wall and put him outside, but next night he'd just be back again. Never had this kind of problem with a panda. Bats seem to be everywhere I go. Just saying.

[Alex]

Bats *are* great. Much more fun than fucking pandas.

Hey, that could be a new strapline!

[dsquared]

I vote pandas. Bats are pretty creepy and their flying is clumsy and amateurish compared to birds. To have special sonar radar, to be able to fly, and *still* to be constantly on the brink of extinction is proof of pretty fucking fundamental maladaptation in my book. Also they're shit during the day.

[Chris Williams]

Can't half get it on, though.

[jamie]

yeah the fucking pandas have more fun watching the bats than fucking.

I liked the articles stentorian tone. It is not enough for bats to live. PANDAS MUST DIE! Only then can we have lebenbatsraum.

[Chris Williams]

In strict biomass terms the surviving pandas must each be worth several hundred endangered bats. Add in the zookeepers, Johnny Morris, WWF photocopy clerks, Prince Philip, etc, and the case for the bats gets stronger by the second. And pandas taste good.

Come on people - Pip or Pipistrelle? You be the jury! Endemol have already bought the rights to "If you really love me, you'll keep me hanging on: exitinction deathmatch". It will be compelling viewing.

[dsquared]

I am not yet prepared to take it on trust that bats don't also taste good. Furthermore, pandas are not bad for property prices, but bats are.

[ajay]

dsquared would not be so pro-panda if he had to put up with a family of the blighters continually breaking into his garden to eat his bamboo shoots. In the end we had to put down traps.

[dsquared]

Also, note that pandas have the WWF on side but bats have Marvel Comics.

"Panda Man, Panda Man
He can do anything a panda can
Sits on his arse
Eats bamboo
Can't get an erection
Panda Man".

would admittedly not have caught on.

[dsquared]

He's having a go at the pandas again

[matthew]

The pandas are saved!! Well Delingpole is against, which I think is much the same thing.

http://jamesdelingpole.com/2009/09/23/pandas-do-we-need-em/